Don't Judge a Book by Its Cover

I had a customer at work today who, at first glance, would appear to most people as dirty, boorish, and ignorant white trash. Those thoughts did flash into my mind, but I squashed them as fast as they entered, as I truly want to treat this gentleman as well as I would like to be treated. After speaking with him for a few minutes, I found him to be pleasant, well-mannered, and quite bright. His appearance belies his demeanor and character. The cover of his book didn't match the story. Or did it?

This apparent oxymoron got me to thinking about stereotypes. Stereotyping is one of the ways we prejudge people. Stereotyping is not bad in and of itself, as it is just a shorthand way for our minds to sort and compartmentalize the almost seven billion other people on this planet. It is how far people take the stereotypes of others that causes all of the problems. Stereotypes, as offensive as some may find this, are always based in reality, although how much ranges from anecdotal observations to actually being present in a large majority of the population in question.

Keep in mind that it is natural to judge people by appearances, as it helps us to determine threat level, for instance. And although it is much quicker and takes less focus to just stereotype everybody, you disrespect the God-given beauty of each individual person when you do. Just remember, although the book's cover may look disease-ridden and be falling apart, the story could be sublime.

Prayers for Others

There was wonderful news from the medical consult my bff had today: he's going to be fine! I am thrilled, although I kinda knew he would be.

I speak to God often, and sometimes God responds quite clearly. I had been praying and deeply concerned (aka worried) for my friend's worst case scenarios. Each time I would get into deep fret, even in tears, God would snap me back to attention: he's going to be fine. The message was clear. But I would fall back into fretting and carrying on in concern for my friend when I would let myself slip into doubt that what God shared with me was true. Worry is essentially weakness of faith. No not ever doubt the power of prayer, or in God.

When we pray for others, God listens acutely. God loves the attention and concern for others. And those prayers for others, God takes them on as God's own positive affirmations. Prayers out of love and concern for others are deeply embraced by God. And although our wishes may not fit into the grand scheme, God loves the intent nonetheless.

Be sure to thank God when the outcome you prayed for happens. God may have been directly responsible, but even if not, what does it hurt? Thanking God only re-enforces your trust in God, as well as strengthens your relationship with God.

My friend is going to be fine, thanks to the prayers of all who love him. And all thanks to God.

Baby Steps to Success

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -- Lao-tsu

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I'm trying to learn Spanish. I took some in high school and in college, but never even approached fluency. Now, with my relatively recent spiritual awakening, I know that, with God, all things are possible.

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I have Spanish textbooks that I have been studying, but the most useful materials have been the Pimsleur series on CD. I listen to it in my car whenever I drive anywhere alone and have so far been able to get through 40 of the 90 total Spanish lessons, each being 20-30 minutes long. I have had to listen to some of the lessons 3 or 4 times (or more) to make sure I was ready for the next lesson, which builds on the prior. Each lesson only covers a couple new concepts and introduces only a few new words and phrases. But they add up. One by one. Until one day...blammo, I'm fluent.

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Today, as I was commuting home, I has rambling off a response to one of the questions in Spanish and started to laugh to myself at how complex the ideas were that I could say and understand. Granted, I'm still far from fluent, but I couldn't have imagined a few months ago how much Spanish I can speak and understand now. The idea of possibly being fluent in Spanish wasn't even on my radar, even when I started back to studying the language. It was only today that I now know that I have it in me to be fluent. I have no doubt that I will be fluent in Spanish soon(ish). Weird. But wonderful. And it all started with simply trying. It began with finding the materials, opening my ears and mind, and beginning with lesson one.

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Any goal you can possibly imagine truly is attainable, but you can't finish a race you don't enter. Just remember: even the longest journey must being where you stand. Just picture your goal, and take the tiniest step in getting it accomplished. And then another...

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Godspeed.

Everything Happens for a Reason

All thinking folk struggle with the meaning to life. And when things happen, especially undesirable things, we seek to know why. Many of us turn to God and ask why such things have to happen. Occasionally, the silence some encounter when turning to God frustrates us into giving up, either on life, on God, or both. But there is an answer: it's all about the right perspective.

One of my co-workers was commenting in recent weeks about how frustrated she was that homeowners' association where she lives decided to cut down the tree right next to her condo. The tree was a comfort to her, providing wonderful shade and additional privacy for the windows on that side of her home. It was a real source of frustration for her that the tree was removed.

But, with time, her perspective changed. She now finds the sunshine wonderfully uplifting. She greatly enjoys looking outside the windows, where she now sees the lovely blue skies that were previously hidden by the tree. It turns out, she is pleased as punch that the tree was removed. Once her perspective turned toward finding the positive in the situation, she found her attitude about the situation change entirely, for the better.

Although I know God puts into motion many of our lessons, sometimes part of the lesson is that it is left to us to find the reason something happens. And there is almost always something significantly good that comes from anything. With enough focus, you can study any situation and find something good and useful that comes of it, even if it's in the form of valuable education, personal growth, or simply life experience, remembering that experience is the incubator of wisdom. Everything really does have reason, although you may have to find that reason for yourself. Reflect until you find what you seek. The answer is there.

How to Deal with Crazy People

The recent activities of my sister's ex-husband got me to thinking about 'crazy,' and how to deal with it. By 'crazy' I mean someone who is unpredictable, unreasonable, illogical, distressed, and potentially dangerous, to themselves or others. So I came up with these ideas, for what they're worth:


1. Protect yourself first - be sure all are out of the way of any physical threat.

2. Avoid contact as much as possible - think of ways to limit or avoid time you may have to see each other in person. Protect the innocent by isolating them from the crazy person as much as legally possible. When being barraged by crazy e-mails: send a final e-mail telling that person any and all further e-mails from them will just go in the garbage and then follow through on this by sending their e-mails directly to the junk mail folder. Screen all phone calls and do not let the innocent talk to the crazy person for longer than is absolutely and really necessary.

3. Set boundaries - this means defining in both time and space what is acceptable from the crazy person. No interactions outside your comfortable boundaries will be tolerated. And mean it.

4. Do not entertain the crazy - when you do have to interact with a crazy person, do not give any credence at all to what they are telling you. Assume every word is a lie. Cut the interaction off as soon as possible. Say with the tone of your voice that you are not going to take crap. And do not internalize what the crazy person says, no matter how close to the bone it cuts. Crazy people need to be neutralized, then pitied. Maintain reality and give yourself occasional reality checks to make sure you're not being colored by the crazy person. Run your thoughts by someone you trust, if needed.

5. Stall - put off the crazy person as much as possible. Some honest false hope (I love oxymorons!) can go a long way in buying yourself time.

6. Minimize casualties and damages - this is the mop up. Tend to the needs of the victims and repair any immediate damages. Then, when you have more time, work on longer term fixes. Make it your mission to eliminate any and all impact the crazy person has on your life. Talk through the issues with those affected, as well as those close to you, and trying to understand why the crazy person is doing what he or she is doing. Explore ideas on how to best neutralize, and then counteract, the crazy. Sometimes, you must be proactive and explore ways to thwart the crazy person in order to prevent future interaction and damage.

7. Pray and reflect - dig deep with God and you will find all of the strength and courage you need to do what you need to do. God is the ultimate resource.


I'm no psychiatrist, but this seems like a good approach in dealing with crazy people. If you have more ideas on dealing with crazy people, please post them here:

Focus on the Seasons

Another blog about focus? Yep, it's that important. But this time I'm going to just share with you my recent focus and appreciation of the seasons.

I was standing in my back yard this morning looking around at the vivid blue sky and the trees of different varieties. I was focused on nature and my surroundings. I could see how wet the ground still was from rain we received last week. The water is not evaporating because the sun's energy just isn't heating up the ground enough for that to happen. The sun itself felt weaker than it did in the recent Summer months. I noticed the difference. I noticed how much lower in the sky the sun is. I noticed different trees lose their leaves in different patterns. I noticed my roses stay alive longer in the Autumn than they did in the hot Summer months. I noticed some plants thrive in the mild temperatures of this time of year and are just now starting to bloom.

For me, experiencing the seasons is one of the best things about being alive. Each season has a different feel, different weather and temperatures, different possible activities, different holidays and get-togethers, different look, and different options for growth. The seasons are wonderful. The fact that our planet experiences the seasons as it does is one of the things I use to re-affirm my knowledge that God is real. Seasonality is just a beautifully nuanced gift from God. Thank you, God.

The Reasons for Growing Out My Hair

I have a long history of control issues. Anyone who knows me knows how I have been. I am really striving nowadays, however, to let things go and just accept when things are different from the way I want them or expect them to be.

This is part of the reason I am growing out my hair: to allow for things to be out of my control and for that to be okay. When I was a teenager, I had to have every hair in place and actually used a lot of hair spray, as embarrassing as that is to admit. So now, being in my mid- to late-thirties, I have pushed outside of my comfort zone and decided to let my hair grow. I have not brushed or combed my hair in months. And there are days when I feel like a vagabond, but that discomfort is a lesson in acceptance for me and is important for my personal growth.

I used to be so judgemental and critical of guys with long hair, especially my nephew. Several years ago, I cut his hair because his mother told me that she was going to make sure he had a haircut before he went back to school. And because he was rebellious and seemed to be out of control for my sister, I decided to "help" her deal with the situation and cut it for him. Of course, in retrospect, I know it was wrong and I am deeply ashamed to have crossed the line like that. It still bugs me, even though my nephew has long since forgiven me and his hair is even longer now than it was back then. So the other main reason for growing my hair out is my own personal penance. I need to put myself in the place that will help me relate and understand what it means and feels like to have long, crazy hair, something I have disliked most of my life. It is therapy for the critical nature I used to have.

The third, and least important, reason for growing out my hair is that I am going to Ireland next year. I want to have Irish hair, with its natural curls and waves, in Ireland. I want to stand on the Cliffs of Moher and feel the Irish wind blow through my Irish hair. I'm aware this is as trivial as it gets, but in a small way, it's a nod to my roots and ancestry. That and the tattoo I plan to get while I'm there of the word "Ireland" across my entire back. I kid, of course. Although I'm actually thinking a reasonable tattoo might also be a lesson in the same way growing my hair out is, since I've also had a thing against tattoos, too. Ah, still so many lessons to learn...