The Reasons for Growing Out My Hair

I have a long history of control issues. Anyone who knows me knows how I have been. I am really striving nowadays, however, to let things go and just accept when things are different from the way I want them or expect them to be.

This is part of the reason I am growing out my hair: to allow for things to be out of my control and for that to be okay. When I was a teenager, I had to have every hair in place and actually used a lot of hair spray, as embarrassing as that is to admit. So now, being in my mid- to late-thirties, I have pushed outside of my comfort zone and decided to let my hair grow. I have not brushed or combed my hair in months. And there are days when I feel like a vagabond, but that discomfort is a lesson in acceptance for me and is important for my personal growth.

I used to be so judgemental and critical of guys with long hair, especially my nephew. Several years ago, I cut his hair because his mother told me that she was going to make sure he had a haircut before he went back to school. And because he was rebellious and seemed to be out of control for my sister, I decided to "help" her deal with the situation and cut it for him. Of course, in retrospect, I know it was wrong and I am deeply ashamed to have crossed the line like that. It still bugs me, even though my nephew has long since forgiven me and his hair is even longer now than it was back then. So the other main reason for growing my hair out is my own personal penance. I need to put myself in the place that will help me relate and understand what it means and feels like to have long, crazy hair, something I have disliked most of my life. It is therapy for the critical nature I used to have.

The third, and least important, reason for growing out my hair is that I am going to Ireland next year. I want to have Irish hair, with its natural curls and waves, in Ireland. I want to stand on the Cliffs of Moher and feel the Irish wind blow through my Irish hair. I'm aware this is as trivial as it gets, but in a small way, it's a nod to my roots and ancestry. That and the tattoo I plan to get while I'm there of the word "Ireland" across my entire back. I kid, of course. Although I'm actually thinking a reasonable tattoo might also be a lesson in the same way growing my hair out is, since I've also had a thing against tattoos, too. Ah, still so many lessons to learn...