Allow Others to Change

A few months ago, I went through the Investment in Excellence seminar they were offering at work. In discussing setting goals to make positive changes in your life, Lou Tice points out the need to watch out for people in your life who do not want you to change because it upsets their comfort zone in which you behave in predictable ways, even when those ways are negative or unproductive. In striving to make changes in your life, you must not only change your comfort zone to allow for the positive goal, but help others around you understand the changes you are trying to make so they don't try to put you back in your old comfort zone.

I had an incident at work recently in which my supervisor called me into her office to commend me for my good work, attendance, and positive and constructive attitude. She has been very pleased with me lately (although it was the complete opposite a few months ago), so much so, that after our unit's lead worker retires in the Spring, she was going to recommend that I get that position. She even mentioned it in a meeting with our department's assistant director. However, he did not see me the same way she did. Not to get into stuff I would rather forget, but he and I had a disagreement (or two) in years past. His opinion of me has been and continues to be low. He doesn't see the improvements in my attitude like my supervisor does, who sees how I interact with others all day long. He told her that he was yet to be convinced and that he would hold onto his reservations about promoting me.

Fair enough. I deserve to have his doubt, as badly as I have behaved in the past. (For example, I am known throughout the department for my history of forked e-mails, unfortunately.) But in wanting to change, improve, stay positive, and be constructive, I find any kind of doubt in me undeserved for my earnest efforts and incongruent to my growth. I reflected with God on how I deserved his reservations about my improvement and how I avow the changes I've made are permanent. I also accepted that it's just going to take time for him to see I have changed for good.

This got me to realize that I have been doing the same thing to someone else. I have been keeping my roommate pigeon-holed based on all of her old, predictable patterns. I've only really allowed myself to notice her good and positive changes in the last few days, but her good works must have been going on for weeks, at the very least, when I think about it.

For most of our relationship, I took it for granted that she would just take me for granted. I saw her as a pretty self-centered person, mostly. And I don't think she would disagree with me that she was (as was I). In the past. Lately, though, I've seen many examples of her kindness, generosity, consideration, tenderness, and positivity. She's been going out of her way for others like crazy; she has taken initiative often to save others work or hassle. She's been such a good and wonderful person, and I've really noticed. And I truly appreciate it.

But most importantly, I need to focus on embracing it. I must allow her to grow, develop, and change in the same way she has allowed me to. She's better at that than I am. But I am focused on letting go of any emotional attachment I have to memories of any of her bad behavior and am going to embrace her positivity. And I'm going to encourage her in any way I can think to, which will help reinforce what she is trying to do. I knew she was a good person deep down to her soul and I want to encourage her progress.

It is most certain that God allows people to change by forgiving past mistakes and bad choices and encouraging growth and positive use of your free will. I find it often useful to think about how God deals with things and emulate that behavior. If God forgives the past and embraces good changes, then I must, too. I must allow and encourage others to change in the same way I would want them to do to me. Boiled down: Do unto others... Simple, yet so deeply profound.