Life is funny: I woke up this morning, turned on the radio, and instantly thought I had a wonderful topic for this evening's blog entry. But, alas, today was actually a lesson in listening to God's guidance, as well as a lesson in humility.
My sister called me while I was at work and told me of her experience in selling her car today. The first dealership she went to offered her very little after the salesman belittled and devalued her car in every way he could. Because he left her feeling hopeless and extremely desperate, she begrudgingly accepted the deal. The salesman left the room to retrieve the sales manager to close the deal. The sales manager, who entered without the salesman, let my sister know that the salesman rescinded the offer because the car was just not good enough to buy, essentially at any price. At this point, my sister's feelings of hopelessness were overwhelming, because if they wouldn't even give her an insultingly meager amount of money for her car, how is she possibly going to afford a smaller, more economical car she so desperately needs? As people tend to do in seemingly hopeless situations, she turned to prayer. She prayed deeply and earnestly for help. She prayed for a miracle...
Not to ruin the punchline, but after going to another dealership, she was treated quite well and was ecstatic when they offered her THREE times what the first dealership did! They made her feel good for the way she kept up the car and were honest and fair in assessing a mutually beneficial amount. She got exactly what she needed, and I don't need to tell you who was responsible for this miracle. Prayer is truly a powerful thing once you let God at the problem.
But why is this entry's title about having doubts in God? Well, it wasn't my sister with the doubt. After I got off the phone with her, a flash of doubt hit me like a wet blanket (as I was quite amped up by her great news): what if it was simply a coincidence that she happened to pray and get what she needed for her family? Needless to say, that thought did not make me too thrilled because I had been on a real positive high for several days, basking in God's love, generosity, and friendship. I really thought to myself that I had done it now, that my doubt somehow broke my connection with God and God would be displeased. I beat myself up for a little while, and then, as God so graciously does with me, stopped my internal ranting, calmed me down, and told me that I was human and to get over it. Doubt in God is very much just a part of the human condition. It's all about what wolf you feed inside yourself, as the RoG says, so doubt is really only an issue if you feed it and make it stronger. I've been so caught up lately with enjoying total positivity with God, that when a regular human emotion, such as doubt, entered my head, I was thrown for a real loop. This was most definitely a reminder from God to not forget I'm human and will make dumb mistakes or think bad things, no matter how hard I try to stay focused on being good and positive, and that it is okay. Your mind is an immensely sophisticated machine, full of every possible thought that free will provides, even bad ones. But that's okay, as long as you maintain a healthy perspective and not give credence to the bad stuff.
I KNOW there is a God. I see miracles big and small every single day. I see the delicate and sophisticated way that all of God's creation interacts via its nearly infinite number of symbiotic relationships. God created a beautiful and fascinating existence for us. I see tons of evidence every single day: God is most definitely there. God is real.
As humans, we do not have the ability to be perfect or maintain perfect perpetual focus on God. It is very much within our human nature to have occasional doubts in God, yet God does not get offended by this type of stray thought, as long as we don't embrace it. God loves each one of us immensely and gets what's really in our hearts. An occasional doubt doesn't scare or offend God; it is quite okay with God, especially when we come around again. God understands our humanity much better than we do and is very much okay with us being human.
I had doubt...and I got over it. God is understanding. (And most generous! Thank you, God, for my sister's miracle; it was immensely appreciated!)
Have you dealt with or are dealing with doubts? Comment below:
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